with murakami in mind

eye of the tiger!
today's mascot. from pbase.com.

or perhaps more appropriate: the pediatrics version. from gotpetsonline.com.

cue the ferocious animals and 80s pump-up music, it's call day #3! i feel oddly disconnected from my team because of clinic on wednesday afternoon and a day off yesterday, but no matter. katz 1 (that's my team name . . . don't ask, the system is random and complex) is going to be full of spunk and awesomeness today.

i am determined to take my anti-complaining project to the next level and work on my overall positivity in addition to curtailing my audible wailing. my mantra for the day (and perhaps for life?) comes from my favorite author, haruki murakami:

pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

he was talking about running (in his aptly named book) , but as an anonymous reader commented several days ago, a lot of tough situations can be likened to a hard, long run. i've often drawn parallels between call nights and marathons, with each hour corresponding to approximately one mile. just as with running a marathon, towards the end it gets very arduous -- perhaps downright painful -- and keeping a positive attitude is extremely difficult.

but while the pain may be real, it's one's choice (or "option", as murakami puts it) to suffer. i will try to remember that tonight.

goodbye, beautiful

this gorgeous bag came in the mail yesterday! i love it, but it is going back. while the aesthetics are beyond perfect, i didn't realize the bag was going to be so big. it is more work-bag sized than handbag, and i am not about to lug something this lovely around the grimy and MRSA-filled hospital.

i will be sad to see her go but josh has reassured me that the search for a perfect purse will continue. i will be patient.

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7.9.9

workout: 40 minutes of stationery biking + 30 minutes gentle hatha yoga. it was a nice leisurely workout for my day off.

doin' time: for the first time in a while, i actually succeeded in making all the recipes i had planned for the week! keeping the number and time-requirement of the dishes realistic as i planned out the week definitely helped.

last night's meal was an extremely easy one as many pasta dishes are. basically, it was just rigatoni + goat cheese + parmesan, accented with sundried tomatoes, olives, walnuts, and basil. an easy weeknight meal, but not without flavor or fun.
accompanied by a simple spinach salad with improvised balsamic vinaigrette. i typically use whole wheat pastas but for this i felt like reverting to white. it just seemed like it would be better with the goat cheese! refined carbs may not be the ideal choice for every day, but they aren't evil incarnate, either. and this was goooood.

buenas tardes: a late post

freedom
i had today off, and it couldn't have come at a better time. even though i still have more than 3 weeks (including 6 call nights) left of this ward senior rotation, my energy levels were already taking a downward turn. that's not a complaint, by the way -- just an objective observation.

for example, an energized and well-rested person probably wouldn't have immediately flopped face-down on the couch after a day of work (well, it was an 11-hour day, but still just 1 day), falling asleep on her husband (what? it's so comfortable!) at 6 pm. yet i thought it was the best possible way to start my wednesday evening.

it's all in the details
i haven't done anything crazy-exciting with my day off, but i've enjoyed it nonetheless. after sleeping 8.5 hours, i had a moderately productive morning which included cycling and yoga. overall, i've gotten through a few of the items on my to-do list, such as a car appointment for my battery-draining VW and dental/vision claim forms. boring, but essential, and i always feel better when i don't have 8 zillion things hanging over my head! which brings me to a question: how do you manage all the loose ends in your life?

my method is okay, but not perfect. sometimes i feel like i have reminders for various things scattered all over the place, which is not ideal. here are the various components to my life-management system


planner: shown above. i know i've posted about how i tend to use my planner both to keep track of day-by-day commitments and also to track my plans for workouts, cooking, and other errands that i'd like to run over the course of a given week. if i don't get something done (ie: i'm just not feelin' the car inspection today), then i just move the item onto next week's list. you don't want to know how many times i sometimes have to rewrite 'vacuum' or 'clean bathroom'! i love using paper because . . . well, i just love it. plus, it looks pretty, never malfunctions, and i can carry it with me everywhere.

file folders: my other non-digital 'list' is a set of file folders on my desk in an upright holder. one contains bills to pay, another documents to file (ie, get them off of my desk when i am in cleaning mode), and another of things to do (gift certificates to use, travel info to use for booking, or clinic notes that need to be typed up). when i have a full day off like today, i take the time to go through these, paying anything that needs to be paid and working on some of the other things. however, the downside is that when i don't have lots of time, i tend to ignore these files. so far i haven't had any terrible disasters result from their neglect, but it could happen.

email: i tend to use my email inboxes as reminders to do things. the bad part about this is that i have 3 of them! one for personal things (containing right now several people i just want to email back so i can plan to hang out with them!), one for work, and another for this blog (unsurprisingly that one doesn't get quite as much action). i am good about deleting/archiving anything that i don't plan on following up on, so that's good, but the in-boxes can still get pretty full, which renders them less useful. oh well.

so, if you're willing, share with me your life-management strategies! are you a luddite who eschews microchips and hearts her filofax, or an iPhone/blackberry addict? part of me sort of wants to join the digital revolution, but i just don't think i could -- or necessarily want to --break off my relationship with stationery. we are too happy together.

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7.8.09

workout: i had a great run yesterday AM! i was really happy with my interval paces, and the decreasing-length intervals made it fun. 5 miles total, average 8:15/mi. here is the breakdown:

warmup: 0.5 miles, ave 8:41/mi pace
1600m: 7:22/mi pace followed by 400m jog @ 9:25/mi
1200m: 7:29/mi pace followed by 400m jog @ 10:03/mi
800m: 7:30/mi pace followed by 400m jog @ 10:02/mi
600m: 7:45/mi pace (got slowed by hill + a car crossing the street!) then 400m @ 9:48/mi
400m: 7:23/mi pace
cooldown: 0.6 mi, ave 8:53/mi pace

doin' time with gliding calm
i've always wanted to make this famous baked tofu recipe by gliding calm, but it never happened . . . until today! armed with a half-container of tofu wasting away in the fridge + plenty of time to make a good lunch, i took the plunge.
i was thrilled with the outcome! like miss gc, i just kind of dumped 'some' of each ingredient onto some tofu, rubbed it around, and threw it in the oven. very easy -- no muss, no fuss. 30 minutes later i had crispy, flavorful baked tofu with an asian flair. it was an awesome lunch (the highlight of my day thus far!) and i will definitely be doing this again!

complaint report: still going strong. i had the urge to complain quite a bit while in clinic, but i only had one major bitch session with a colleague, which i immediately retracted while explaining my anti-complaining mission.

condensed

short day
after arriving home at around 12:30 pm, i managed to eke out as much as possible during my post-call day yesterday. therefore, i thought i would talk a little bit about my call-aftermath routine.

residents differ in how they like to use this day: some are able to stay awake for quite some time, running errands around town and then stretching out on the couch to watch TV. these are usually people who are lucky enough to be in the tiny proportion of the human population that is actually suited to being a resident: people who don't need or desire much sleep.

clearly, i do not fit into that category. so my post-call routine pretty much consists of:

☑ eat: usually i come home pretty famished. this is sort of on purpose as it helps me stay awake on rounds and on the drive home.

☑ sleep: 4-5 hours. during this time i am usually out cold, but unfortunately my pager does sometimes go off as various people (that means YOU radiology!) do not bother to page the correct person (ie, the intern) who is actually signed over to someone still at work.

☑ eat: by the time my nap is over, i'm usually hungry again. if i'm headed to the gym, i have to eat something first, as well as attempt to rehydrate (call dries you out big time!).

☑ work out: yesterday it was some cross-training and weights. it's definitely too hot to run outside in the afternoons these days, so post-call workouts take place in some air conditioned space.

☑ cook: if i've planned right, post-call dinners are something easy that can be thrown together without a lot of mental or physical agility.

☑ eat: yes, again. dinnertime!

☑ sleep: after blogging, of couse. this time it's never quite as easy to fall asleep (by this point my body usually feels very confused), but i manage.

and that, in case anyone was wondering, is how i fit 24 hours worth of life into 9.

complaint free: day 3
headed into day 3 today! for today, my goal is to write down what i say every time i complain out loud. hopefully knowing that i'll have to get out a pen and document my slips will be motivation to keep my grumbling to myself. expect a report back tomorrow!

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7.7.09

workout: 40 minutes elliptical (levels 9 - 12) + weights
- 2 x 12 pushups
- ball squats, 2 x 12, 10 lbs each hand
- lat pull-downs, 55 lbs, 2 x 10
- walking double lunges, 2 x 10, 8 lbs each hand
- lateral/forward raises, 2 x 10 each side, 6 lbs each hand
- forward crunches, 2 x 15
- bicycle crunches, 2 x 15

by the way, even though my sidebar says so, i haven't actually started the pushup challange yet. maybe today i will!

doin' time: i had my doubts about this meal: first of all, i hadn't prepped anything in advance, so i knew the soup would be sort of room temp. second, it seemed to easy: blending together a bunch of vegetables and not much else, i wasn't expecting a flavor sensation.
fortunately, i was wrong! josh and i loved this easy gazpacho. thanks to some very in-season tomatoes, it tasted bright and refreshing, and the slightly cool temp actually seemed to work. an excellent summery meal, and it was easy enough to be worthy of its post-call placement on the menu. served with a lavash wrap filled with cheddar & avocado.

do you have the time

to listen to me whine

about nothing and everything all at once?

i am one of those

melodramatic fools

neurotic to the bone

no doubt about it.
-- "basket case" by green day

clearly the members must have been early proponents of the complaint-free lifestyle! i guess i should have taken a break from flannel-shirt shopping and doc martens-buying to actually pay attention to these lyrics back in 1993.

[digression: wow, i sort of can't believe the grunge aesthetic actually happened. glad its over!]

so. back to 2009. i know the big question is still hanging out there: was the beginning of my complaint-free week a success?

well, no. not exactly. did you really think i could make it through 30 hours of call without a single woe-is-me moment? i think i made it . . . several hours before my first negative commentary was uttered out loud. HOWEVER: i was a lot more aware of the things i was saying, and i really did try to rephrase things (and rethink them) even as i noticed it happening.

having others around me in on things helped, too -- i told my intern about my anti-complaining goal and she laughed at me, but it did feel nice having someone to be accountable to. and really, who is going to argue with someone when they say they are going to work on not complaining? no one wants to listen to that anyway, so everyone wins.

i think it did help my mindset a little bit to censor (or take back) negative comments and thoughts as they occurred. there was one point in the night when i did hit a low, but it was more a physiologic issue than anything else. next time i think i'm going to have to try some midnight caffeine . . .

decidedly un-grunge
it went on sale.

i finished my second year of residency.

josh was going to get me 'leather' for an anniversary gift.

reasons enough, i think.

yay!

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7.6.09

workout: 4 miles @ 8:57/mi, 0.5% incline pre-call. it was raining so i hit the treadmill and read the latest runner's world. i am totally getting distance training fever again, and reading this issue didn't help.

reading: several patient-related articles on call: one on treatment of skin and soft tissue infections with vanc vs. linezolid, and another on suppurative otitis. the theme for our call night was pus!

the opposite of complaining

no complaints: day 1
starting a week of complaint-free living on a call day is going to be difficult. despite that, i'm pumping myself up for the challenge! i don't expect to be 100% in accordance with this new regime on my first try, but at the very last i believe it will make me more aware, realizing that choosing to complain is just that -- a choice. i think will help me to cut down on the negativity and go through the day more . . . yes, wait for it . . .

mindfully. you know i had to throw that in somewhere!

so here i go into call #2. instead of listing reasons why i hate it (doesn't that sound like something the non-complaint-free-me might have done?), i am going to start today with a list of things i am grateful for. because even on a call day, i don't have it all that bad.

reasons not to complain
■ i feel decently well-rested this morning
■ i am looking forward to my AM run
■ i get a day off in just a few days
■ the weather forecast for this week looks pretty nice
■ i have an awesome lunch packed for today
■ the apartment is decently clean

obviously, there are bigger, more obvious reasons to be grateful as well (josh, family, etc), but i wanted to focus on the little things this morning. i will try to bring them to mind at more trying times, such as midnight tonight.

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7.5.09

workout: 9 mile long run. i started this run outside but it started raining and i was afraid my iPod wouldn't do so well, so i headed to treadmill to finish up. i did a little experiment by keeping my footpod on, and it was actually pretty accurate on the treadmill (off about 0.06 miles in the 7.4 miles that i did indoors).

overall average pace was about 9:00/mi.

doin' time: may i present the pork chops with rhubarb and cherry sauce . . . the last spring recipe from the great food fast cookbook! you can find a link to the recipe on the sidebar.

my rhubarb adventure was a success! simmered with dried cherries, balsamic vinegar, red onion, and some sugar, the sauce was sweet-tart and a great complement to the (local, step 4) pork loin chop, which i think i cooked pretty well despite setting off the fire alarm. in case you were wondering, no i was not able to finish off that hunk o' meat (which was even bigger than it looks. there are leftovers packed in my lunch for today that i am already kind of excited about.

reading: 15 minutes on hypothyroidism and a few minute refresher on the VACTERL association.

supermarket sweep

shopping with the huz
i dragged josh to whole foods with me tonight. actually, that's not fair -- it wasn't much of a struggle to get him to tag along. it's amazing how much more fun the grocery store is with him! oddly, i came home with several items that were not on my list:

josh's first addition to the cart was some endangered species chocolate. as the female member of this household, one might expect that i take the lead in chocolate cravings & consumption. but one would be wrong.

locally made ice cream! i was impressed at his flavor selection. and yes mom, i see that it has some thickeners in it. but it's tasty and a little guar gum never killed anyone, right?

i don't really know why he wanted this, but letting random items in the cart is a small price to pay for company and companionship at WF!

obvi.

tonight's star ingredient

yes, it's rhubarb! i've never cooked with rhubarb, so tonight will be a first. i trust martha not to let me down!

in other exciting martha-related news, project doin' time is 50% complete! i finally made it through the spring section (yeah yeah, i know it's july), making every salad, soup, main dish, and nearly every side. that leaves just 2 seasons to go! summer is full of burgers and grilled items, which is tough because we live in an apartment and are not technically supposed to grill on our patio. luckily i have a grill pan and a sense of adventure. at least when it comes to martha.

yesterday's post
thank you all for your comments. i am aiming to make this week complaint-free and that includes silent inner fuming (good point, atilla).

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7.4.09

workout: 45 minutes elliptical, levels 9 - 13

reading: none! i will try to be better about motivating to do this post-call.

can't complain

an uneventful fourth
after a half-day at work today, i hit the gym and then headed over to a friend's for a brief stint BBQing by the pool. then i promptly headed home to pass out, waking up just a few minutes only because josh called me to say that the kidney transplant the had just done was over and that he would be home . . . eventually.

i feel like a sleepy, sweaty mess, but i have high hopes that a long night of sleep will be curative! big plans for the rest of my holiday include throwing in a load of laundry and curling up in bed with a book. celebrating my own personal independence, i suppose. without the fireworks.

to complain or not to complain
i think i complain too much. venting is one thing, but putting everything in a negative light, getting all up-in-arms about happenings in the hospital, and ranting about my schedule to anyone who will listen is another. i came across a mention of this book on the zenhabits site and the concept is interesting.
though potentially a little too preachy and extreme for me (see? i'm complaining already!), i think i could lay off a little bit on the whining about work and my lifestyle this month and fatigue. it is not going to make me feel better and i know no one wants to hear it, anyway -- i signed up for this, after all.

so my goal is to chillax a little and experiment with what it might be like to be complaint-free. 21 days sounds a bit daunting, so i'll start with 7. feel free to call me out on any on-line grousing. i might not be able to turn it off completely, but at least i'll be more aware.

balance and surgery
yesterday susan asked, "Just wondering...how does Josh handle the resident life? Same as you, keeping up with hobbies and everything?"

unfortunately, no, not really. i know he wishes he had more time to do things like run, but his schedule and the structure of his residency is definitely worse than mine. most of the time i do a lot of taking care of him/our household in addition to trying to have some semblance of a life. someday i hope he will be able to take it a little bit easier . . .